Spiritual Direction and Soul-Centered Coaching
I heard of and started spiritual direction for the first time when I was preparing for marriage in my early 20s. While I had a contemplative side to me since I was quite young, I had never talked to anyone about it. Then, the most deeply spiritual priest that I have met to this day came into my life only too briefly. Rev. John Gerber, CSC gave me a spiritual foundation resting on a deep trust of myself and a deep trust in God’s presence and action in my life. Besides my siblings and a few close friends, he was one of a few people who had deeply listened to me up to that point. He passed away after a short bout with throat cancer in April 1995. He died on Easter Sunday and his funeral was on my birthday that year. In his last homily at Notre Dame, he begged all present on repeat, “little children, love one another.” I can still hear his voice echoing as he sat in his wheelchair on the altar.
I have had a variety of spiritual directors throughout most of my life since then. I also began to offer spiritual direction through my professional roles in ministry. When I began to hit obstacles in my life – especially the divorce – I needed more substantive support for myself and for how I was parenting. At this point, I started therapy which quickly taught me so much.
In my own work with people, I began to see more clearly the limits of spiritual direction and of therapy. I wanted to be able to support people in ways that integrated all of the parts of their lives in light of their sacred identity. I wanted them to use this integration to build the life that they desired for their own betterment and for the betterment of the world. I wanted to work with people who wanted to make their spiritual journey the ultimate journey of their life.
At this point, I heard about and took an extensive coaching training program through Co-Active Coaching. This program included elements of deep listening, and while the techniques of the work of coaching led toward impact and change, they were not explicitly spiritual in their focus and approach. In response, I developed what I now refer to as soul-centered coaching. Its elements have helped me to deconstruct a long married life and construct the life that I now enjoy – all an expression of my sacred self.
Now, my practice with clients always integrates the approaches and skills of spiritual direction and coaching. Some clients that I work with have had experiences with coaches and spiritual directors already. I always tell my spiritual direction clients that I may occasionally interrupt and ask their permission to ask a coaching question or make an observation. I do this mostly if I’m sensing spiritual bypassing or if I intuit that a client is attributing some situation to spiritual weakness or deficiency in a way that is unwarranted. (You’re less spiritual because of strong emotions due to the political climate, grief or a health situation, for example.) It also helps to move in this direction if the client discerns that yes, they do need to process something using coaching methods – and that I’m exactly the person to do that with.
When coaching, I make clear to my clients that I will start with a lot of open ended questions and contemplative listening to their story. We explore their spiritual identity, practices and beliefs as well as their current life situation. They listen to themselves as I listen to them. Then we make a plan together on how to proceed through my process in a way that best serves them. Always, we start and end with their soul leading the way to finding nourishment and growth.